The Contestant#1

“I do what I want! I’m a grown ass man!” Corey Smiley’s grandfather, Vinson said as he slammed his fists down onto the arms of his wheelchair. 

 

Corey looked from their mother to their grandfather then back to their mother again; was he fucking serious? 

 

“You wanted to keep him here. I told you, I wanted to send him to a home but no… ‘that’s cruel, we can’t just abandon papa in a nursing home’.” Victoria said, wagging a finger at Corey. 

 

While yes, it was true, Corey did talk their mother and father into moving their grandfather into their home, rather than shipping him off to some nursing home, Corey never could’ve for seen this. 

 

“No! I can’t be blamed for everything this crazy man does just because I wanted him to stay here. I mean where the hell did papa even learn to use a computer?!” Corey said, throwing their hands in the air. 

 

“’Where did I learn to use a computer?!’  Where did I, learn to use a computer? I invented the fucking computer!” Vinson said, poking himself in the chest. 

 

Victoria turned her attention from her father to the computer in front of him. 

 

“There’s gotta be a way to undo this, right?” She asked, looking over at Corey. 

 

“Yeah, we’ll just email them and let them know that MY GRANDFATHER IS A QUACK, and signed me up by mistake.” Corey said, earning a laugh from their grandfather.  

 

“Ahh you fucking chicken! You’re a scared little baby! You’re scared of love. You know when I was your age, your mother had already been born and your grandmother was pregnant with your uncle!”  Said Vinson. 

 

Corey scoffed as they and their mother turned their attention back to Vinny. Was he fucking serious right now? 

 

“Yeah, and back then bread was a fucking nickel, and you could buy a house with some pocket change and a pinkie promise.” Corey said, rolling their eyes. 

 

Turning their attention back to the computer, Corey watched their mother carefully scroll down the webpage, in search of an email or phone number. 

 

“Wait, stop there. Who’s that?” Corey said, pointing at the screen. 

 

Victoria paused her scrolling, allowing Corey to get a better look at the picture of the woman displayed on the screen. 

 

“Is that her?” Victoria asked as she turned around to look back at her father. 

 

Vinny grinned widely, all thirty-two teeth on full display; he really was proud of himself. 

 

“Yep. Quite the looker, isn’t she?” He said. 

 

”I’ve gotta give it to him, the old man’s got good taste.” Said Victoria. 

 

Corey snapped their head in their mother’s direction, brows bunching together in half confusion, half horror.  

 

She was joking, right? 

 

“Mom! Don’t encourage him! The man’s fucking looney! He signed me up for a dating show! Who the hell signs their grandchild up for a dating show?!” Corey said as they threw their hands in the air. 

 

“I want great-grandchildren Cornelius!” Vinny said, slamming his fists down yet again. 

 

Corey let out a heavy sigh, their head falling back as they looked up at the ceiling.  

 

“Papa I told you, I don’t have time for kids right now!” They said, dropping their head back down again. 

 

 “I have to run the restaurant and…” 

 

The sight of a photo caused Corey to stop dead in their tracks. 

 

“Is that her?” They asked, pointing to the screen as they looked at their grandfather. 

 

Vinny’s smile grew impossibly wider as he nodded. 

 

“Oh wow, she really is stunning.” Corey said, watching as their mother clicked through a slide show of photos. 

 

“And she’s half Italian too!” Victoria said gleefully. 

 

Corey shook their head, no, no, no; so what if the woman was stunning, their grandfather still overstepped and took it upon himself to sign them up for this stupid thing, and that was out of line! 

 

“Who cares? I don’t need my grandfather playing match maker. I can find love all on my own.” Corey said. 

 

“Then why haven’t you?” Vinny asked, crossing his arms over his chest. 

 

Corey looked over at their mother, expecting her to help them deal with their grandfather, but instead, they found Victoria staring back at them, an expecting look on her face, like she too wanted to know why they hadn’t found love yet. 

 

Corey scoffed and shook their head. 

 

“Seriously mom, you’re not gonna back me up?” Corey said, throwing their hands in the air. 

 

“Well to be honest I’m just as curious as your grandfather.” Said Victoria. 

 

 Was she really taking his side right now? Un-fucking-believable, Corey thought to themself as they shook their head. 

 

 Normally Victoria would discourage her father from meddling in Corey’s life, but her comments about the woman at the center of this ‘dating experience’, combined with her lack of outrage for her father’s actions told Corey that this was not a normal situation.  

 

“Well I’m sorry to burst both of your bubbles, but I’m not going. I don’t have time for this, whatever the hell it is that you signed me up for. ” Corey said, waving their hand in the general direction of the computer.  

 

Vinny scoffed loudly, causing his daughter to roll her eyes, but still, she said nothing. 

 

“You don’t have time for a relationship? Bullshit! What are you doing all day that takes up all your time? You wake up in the middle of the day, you do a little bit of cooking, bark orders at the staff, stuff your face, and then fall asleep and repeat. There’s plenty of time in your day for love!” Vinny said, throwing his hands in the air. 

 

Corey’s eyes doubled in size as they looked at their grandfather; was this man fucking for real? 

 

 “’Bark orders, stuff my face, sleep and repeat’? Really old man? That’s all you think I do?” Corey said with a scoff. 

 

Victoria shook her head as she listened to Corey and Vinny go back and forth. The pair were the exact same; if opposites attract, then Vinny and Corey were rats and rat poison.  

 

The pair once spent hours arguing about the preparation of a single meal. They argued about which pot to use, what brand of oil to use, even how much salt was considered ‘a pinch of salt’.  

 

If left to their own devices, Corey and Vinny could spend a lifetime fighting. 

 

“Bark orders? Sleep all day? How could you possibly know what I do all day?” Corey said with a humorless laugh 

 

“Ahh, here we go.” Victoria said, throwing her hands in the air.  

 

“I do more managing than I do cooking! I plan the menus, stock the kitchens, do the budgeting for my restaurant, and the restaurant back home in Italy. I handle the payroll for all of our restaurants here in The States, and I still manage to find the time to go on all those silly little dates you keep setting me up on. And don’t talk to me about how I manage my restaurant old man. At least I let my employees do their jobs, Mr. Step Aside and Let Me Do It.” Corey said throwing their hands in the air. 

 

If they kept going like this someone was bound to say something that would hurt the other’s feelings; but Victoria would be damned if she was going to step into an argument between Corey and her father. The last time she’d intervened in one of their fights, it ended with Victoria being labeled the bad guy. 

 

“Cornelius you’re a coward! I built a business and managed a whole family for thirty years! Work alone can’t sustain you. Who’s gonna wipe your ass in sixty years when you can’t do it anymore.” Vinny shouted. 

 

“Papa, having someone to wipe your ass isn’t a good enough reason to have kids!” Corey said, throwing their hands in the air.  

 

Corey turned to their mom, who immediately shook her head as she pushed her hands out in front of her, physically rejecting the entire situation. 

 

“Nope, I want no part in this. This is between you and your grandfather.” She said, wagging her finger back and forth between the two. 

 

Corey scoffed. 

 

“Ma! Are you serious?” They asked. 

 

“As a heart attack.” She said. 

 

Corey opened their mouth to speak again but Victoria stopped them with a sharp ‘nope’ as she raised her hand, physically rejecting anything else Corey had to say.  

 

Turning on her heels, she made her way out of the room, leaving Corey standing there with their grandfather.  

 

“Come on Cornelius! I’m dying, do it for me!” Vinny shouted. 

 

Corey dropped their head back, groaning up at the ceiling before dropping their head forward again, focusing their gaze on their grandfather.  

 

“Papa we’re all dying. That’s what life is, a slow march to death.” Corey said. 

 

“Well I’m marching faster!” Vinny shouted. 

 

Corey huffed, there was no winning with this man. Throwing their hands in the air, they made their way out of the room.