Phillis Miles laid flat on their back in the middle of their California king bed. The pressure of their sleeping girlfriend on top of them, kept Phillis physically anchored to the earth, while their mind floated off into space.
Somewhere, right now, their RED camera was being prepared to be shipped, and that thought alone was enough to keep Phillis wide awake.
Since they were a child, a filmmaker was all Phillis ever wanted to be. In elementary school, Phillis and their older brothers, Jake and Matthew, would make silly videos with the webcam from the family computer, and even back then, Phillis knew that one day, this would become their job.
Kathy, Phillis’s mother, would always say; “Women are meant to be help mates, bare children and support their husbands! Not moseying around in the workforce.”
Phillis had been at the dinner table with their parents and older brothers when John, Phillis’s father, asked Jake and Matthew what they wanted to be. The boys shrugged and Matthew paused to swallow his mouthful of food before gesturing over to Phillis with his fork.
“Maybe I’ll get a job working for Phillis.” Matthew said with a bright smile.
Phillis was beaming, the idea of working with their older brother seemed exciting! Sure, Matthew and Phillis had their differences and fought from time to time, but Matthew respected Phillis and their passion for filmmaking.
John laughed, his hand moving up to cover his mouth as he swallowed his mouthful of peas.
“Matty, come on, be real. Natalie’s dream of making films is just that, a silly little dream. All women have silly dreams about having ‘dream jobs’, but once they realize that God designed them to have babies and take care of the home, all those silly little dreams vanish.” Said John as he opened up his hand as if releasing a bird.
Phillis felt like they’d been hit with a shrink ray, John never failed to make them feel like a meaningless spec; so small and in significant.
Jake’s jaw tightened; he’d never been very good at holding his tongue.
“How would you know? You’ve never even seen any of their films.” Said Jake.
The dining room fell silent; no one had ever dared to challenge John, his word was law, and that was that.
“Jake, be serious, I’m talking about your future here, not some silly little YouTube videos.” John said, looking at his son.
Phillis watched as Matthew pushed his peas around on his plate, he was gearing up to say something, and Phillis could tell.
“You know, people make real money off of ‘silly little videos’.” He said.
John slowly turned his head and looked at Matthew; he didn’t say anything, he just sat there, watching as his son pushed his food around on his plate.
“What is your problem huh?” John said as he turned to look at Phillis.
John’s eyes were hard and cold, and Phillis couldn’t understand why. John didn’t even know about any of the gender stuff, because Phillis never addressed their gender. Phillis used she/her pronouns and shrunk themself until they were small enough to fit into the little box that John had deemed appropriate for them.
Phillis allowed their mother, Katy, to dress them, avoided anyone and anything queer like the plague, and did everything they could to please their father.
“Dad I-”
“Save it! I don’t wanna hear a single thing you have to say! It’s like you woke up one day and you just said ‘What a nice little family! I think today will be the day I tear it apart!’” He said.
John was firetruck red, and if anyone had the balls to look at him, they would’ve seen the steam coming from his ears; but no one had the balls. No one dared to look at John, not Phillis, Jake, or Matthew, not even Kathy.
“I’ve spent my life taking care of this family, and this is the thanks I get!” Said John as he gestured to the table.
The room fell silent as John stared from one family member to the next.
“Clothing, feeding, and taking care of your kids isn’t doing them a favor, that’s called being a parent dad.” Said Matthew.
Matthew had always been the favorite; not because he was better than the rest, no, he was just simply the most obedient.
When Phillis came out to him and Jake, Matthew was a mess. Jake was supportive right from the jump, but Matthew was understandably worried. Matthew wanted Phillis to tell their parents immediately, but Jake talked him out of it. A few threats, that Matthew knew his brother was serious about, stopped Matthew from telling their father, but he was still scared.
But Matthew loved Phillis, and in the back of his mind, who Phillis was, and who they loved didn’t matter; but the fear of being disowned, and having their father hate him left Matthew trapped. He didn’t want to lose his dad’s love and approval, but at the same time, he didn’t want to lose his siblings either.
In the end, Matthew said fuck it and decided to let Phillis go at their own pace. And while Phillis was discovering themself, Matthew spent time reading and educating himself on both the Bible and the queer community. He began to question his faith, and how his religion could call for him to love everyone, but the members of his religion deeply hated this select group of people.
The more Matthew dove into the queer community, the more he and Phillis began to talk about it, and eventually, Matthew concluded that gender and sexual orientation weren’t worth losing a family member over, and if their parents could so easily disown their child, then they were never worthy of being parents in the first place.
“Dad, you’re the only one doing the tearing. Phillis-”
“Natalie! Her name is fucking Natalie! That’s what we named her, that is her name! What’s with all this ‘Phillis’ nonsense?!” John shouted, slamming his hands down on the table.
Matthew was shocked, he’d never seen his father behave in such a way. But his dad’s outburst was eye-opening. This wasn’t about religion, God, or what the Bible said; this was about John being in control. He didn’t love his children, he simply wanted obedient little slaves, and he got those slaves by making Phillis, Matthew, and Jake fearful. Without that fear, they would be free, free to do what they want and live the lives that they wanted.
John didn’t want what was best for them, he wanted what was best for him; and Matthew finally being able to see that is what allowed him, Jake, and Phillis to leave.
They moved out of the house and into some shitty apartment, and they focused all their attention on making films. Then, before they knew it, the siblings had employees and their movies were being shown at festivals all over the world. And through it all, Phillis and their brothers remained a solid unit.
Turning to face the clock on their nightstand, Phillis smiled. Phillis and their brothers had come a long way, and in just a few hours, Phillis, Jake, and Matthew would be embarking on another journey, and this time, they’d be taking so many talented people along for the ride.
Dads can really be dicks sometimes, am I right? Anyways, what did you think of this story? Did you like it? If you did, leave a comment and let me know. You can show your support for the site by hitting that star and sharing this post. For 4$, you can BUY A CUP OF COFFEE, and show your support for the site. As always, thanks for visiting the site!